Slip of the Tongue

One thing that constantly catches my attention when we travel is the odd phrases that we hear come out of people's mouths, both where we are living as well as at work from my patients.  I thought I would pick a few of my favorites and try and break them down a little for fun.

Slip of the tongue - Everywhere - I can understand a Freudian slip (of which Cheers had the best example - when you mean to say one thing and end up saying a mother), or stuttering, or blurting, or even word vomit.  But a slip of the tongue?  Where did it go that you didn't expect it?  Was it icy in someone's mouth?  Did someone spill marbles in there? Is this like mixing french kissing with ass kissing?

Ho-down - Southern Illinois - Ok, there are a few of these phrases and words to describe going to an event; shindig, fete, hoopla, whatever.  But a ho down?  When I hear someone say that they are going to a ho down, I am stuck with competing images.  Either there is a hooker who just fell into a massive hole into the middle of the earth or well, the ho went down.  Either way, if you whip this comment out that you are going to a family reunion ho-down, which family member are you insinuating belongs in the donkey show?  (And please, don't tell me your mind didn't get to what I was thinking before I did.)

By the balls - Seattle - Now, this is a pretty common expression which sounds like it should have some meaning, as in "I have Bob by the balls, he'll do what I want now".  Yeah, sounds good, until you realize that if someone has a handful of your manly jewels and is putting pressure on them, your odds of doing or going anywhere are about none.  If someone is threatening me, I'm either going to take the pain to break out of the hold or I'm going to fall on the ground and whimper like a small child.  There really isn't any way that the phrase will get you what you want.  Having them by the short hairs really isn't much better either.

Bless her heart - Southern Illinois - This is one of those phrases that gets added to the most horrible things you can say as if it will magically make it better.  "That guy is a total jerkwad who deserved to have his face eaten off by small rodents in his sleep, bless his heart" or "That bitch slept with my boyfriend, I hope she gets the herp, bless her heart." Kind of ironic in that I have never heard someone say "he had a heart related problem, I hope it gets better, bless his heart".  They will bless the worst about humanity, but never if it has something specifically to do with the heart muscle itself.  People who use this phrase should probably catch immediate fire, have a plane land on their families, and grow intense facial hair from their eyelids.  Bless their heart.

Cold as a witches teat - Montana - At exactly which point in history or anything else did this one come into being?  Do witches have cold chests? Are they really, really cold? Did they used to think that anyone who had cold breasts and hard glass cutting nipples was automatically a witch?  They would probably think that Dolly Parton would be the super grand master of all witches if you caught her in a snow storm then.  But what I want to know is this - If witches teats are that cold, when can I get forced air circulating teat air.  I mean, I can find air conditioning, but i'm always too warm when Erica is too cold.  If I had a shirt made of witch teat I could stay cool all the time.  Witch teat bottled water, self cooling teat beer.  Lets face it, this could be the best thing since, well, ever.

For the love of Pete - Anyone with Scandinavian history - I think Pete must have been a stalker or maybe the best lover ever.  I mean, for both men and women to be going along and just drop this statement every once in a while, Pete must have been the best one ever.  "I can't find my car keys, for the love of Pete!" What exactly did you think that Pete's love did to the keys?  Did he put them in naughty places? Did he touch them inappropriately? Did  he love them so much he took them and put them in his home in his collection of stalkery goodness?  I mean, for the love of Pete, that's just gross...

Common Sense - Everywhere.  Ok, this one is simple.  I hear people say this all the time.  "You shouldn't drive on the wrong side of the road, that's just common sense." But lets think about this.  What is common sense? The things that everyone does and calls it normal? How about going online and listening to a song you don't own? Yeah, it's 'common sense' to know what your getting, still illegal.  It's 'common sense' that you are supposed to pay attention while driving, and yet, how many are changing CD's, adjusting their GPS, eating, on the phone.  We all know it's not good to date someone from work, that it's common sense, but 30% of the population still finds their spouses that way.  It's common sense to not abuse the people you love, but go look at the statistics on that one.  Don't follow common sense.  Try just doing the right thing... like not using any of the phrases listed above in your English.