Something stinks here

So I was working in a sleep lab in Mt. Vernon, IL this last summer on contract.  I can't say that Mt. Vernon is a place that I would ever want to live as it was so constantly warm and humid that I felt like I was living in some sweaty guy's armpit.  During the night, after the patients were in bed and asleep, I would go to the front door and pop it open to watch and listen to the sound of the thunderstorms which were so amazing.  Many times, the storms would be way off on the distance and you would see up to 3 or 4 lightning flashes every second, but there would almost never be any thunder.  You could watch the lightning start off on the horizon and it would ripple across the sky almost as fast as you could blink.  Without the lightning flashes, with the cloud cover on the edge of the sky, it would be almost totally dark with only the one street light out on the road which was out of direct line of sight from the door.

One night I went out to the door and I was looking forward to the sound of the thunder since I knew the storm was closer than normal.  I popped open the outer door and this stupid cat starts to dart into the building.  Now, I don't know if you have ever had cats around, but they always have this massive need to run for any open door.  I have a cat and I know how this works, I have been trained and trained well.  I knew that the appropriate response to a cat invading an open door is to take my foot, put it under their stomach and just push them back out the door.  Now, I can't say that I always do this maneuverer correctly as I have a tendency to get a little air under the cat as I make sure that I give myself a little bit of time before they run for the breach again.  Cats are fast little suckers and you know that if you don't buy yourself some time with a good launch, they will know that it's a guarded door and their ninja training will help them get past you.

Now, with my foot still sticking straight out in front of me, the cat flying about a foot off the ground I was suddenly informed by a brilliant flash of lightning that the cat was of an unusual color; black with stripes of white.  That's right, boys and girls, the kitty wasn't a kitty, it was a stinky kitty - El Skunko.  My heart instantly lost 2 beats, cold sweat and I felt a little vomit rise.  I was not prepared for this change.  I instantly closed the door, pressed it shut and held it and tried to come to grips with my sudden mortality, or at least, stinkality.  About 3 very quick breaths later when I realized that the butt bomb had not gone off, I sighed and figured I was safe.  I was not.

At that moment, this golden retriever came running out of nowhere barking at the stunned skunk at which point I decided that I was no longer interested in the lightning or in wild kingdom.

Now, they say that every story has a moral or something that can be learned from it.  What I have learned is this - if you have a cat like object trying to get into a door, do not think about terms like 'animal cruelty' or 'abuse', you punt that little bastard.  Aim for the far side of the street, you make it count.  One can not take chances.  This rule may or may not apply to crawling children as they too come fully loaded on scent glands.