Gas for Rambo

As we have traveled across the country, one thing is for certain everywhere we go; we'll have to fill the tank with gas and we're going to complain that it costs too much. When we're driving to a new contract, we're constantly on the look out for where the cheapest gas is within the next 50 miles as well as which one is going to have the best snacky cakes to munch on for the next 5 hours (oh, and they BETTER have Mt. Dew in IV form for me). Now, I had always thought that almost every gas station was created equally. I mean, you have the gas pumps outside, you go in and there is a variety of different layouts and sizes, but most will have a few isles of candy and chips, maybe an isle of medicine directly across from the candy - never understood that logic, and then there is an area of crap. By crap, I mean T-shirts, trinkets from the area, maybe some post cards (and if you know Erica, she's hoping for the post card racks) as well as fun things like 'Pheasant dropping candy' or 'buffalo chip chips' or something odd like that. These things we assume normal and natural for the all-American drive cross country.

I was unprepared for Ramboland.

Here in South Dakota and nearby areas, there must have been a law passed that stated something like "You have the right to bear arms AND have everything you need within a convenient 24 hour shopping location for your killing needs". The first thing you will find is that as you pull up to the gas pump, instead of flyers saying what kind of cripplingly highly carbonated drinks are on sale or what candy is BOGO (really? was it that hard to just put buy one - get one people?) there is instead flyers for the killing machines. FREE REMINGTON SHOTGUN - apply for your credit card inside and use your points for a new rifle. 50% off any knife in stock with the purchase of 10 gallons of gas!. Yes, these are the new announcements. When I'm taking a break from dealing with drivers who apparently graduated from the Helen Keller driving academy, I want to be stress free, not shown pictures of the weaponry I could have at my disposal while driving down the road. I do not need to be encouraged to kill other drivers.

This should be enough. It's not.

Inside the gas stations of Ramboland, there isn't the customary first display of energy drinks. No. That has been replaced by rows and rows of ammo and stuffed heads of what you can kill if you buy ammo and walk back out the front door. Now, I'm not 100% sold on the idea of taxidermy in the first place, but we can let that one go for now I think. Either you agree with putting dead things on the wall, decapitated and creepy with marble eyes, or you don't. But I like to think that we can all agree on a few other things. 1) There comes a point where at 3am, if you didn't buy enough ammo the night before, you don't need it in the middle of the night just after the bars have closed. 2). Finding a gun rack before the coffee machines in the morning is not acceptable for anyone. I am a coffee freak and if there is something blocking my ability to get to the coffee or a line in front of me to get to it, I am likely to want to grab what is close and use it to get to said coffee. Putting bullets next to me and telling me to wait? No, not so smart.

It isn't like there are SOME bullets in the store, there are walls and walls, and pallets of them waiting for you. If I was a serial killer, this would be like some kind of disneyland of fun.

Dead body in the trunk - check
rope - check
shovel - check
gas - crap, well we can stop and get some, I was out of lethal projectiles anyway. Wonder if I should replace that shotgun now or later?

See? That type of conversation shouldn't be ok in my head. And in case you think I'm exaggerating, I snapped a picture on the way to work today because I want people to understand that giving me the chance to have weaponry when headed to work isn't in anyone's best interest